Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
