someone threw a dead crab at me
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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