he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
