you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
