She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
