I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am midnight drunk by noon
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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