i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
