I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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