The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
