3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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