His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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