Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
