Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
