I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
