I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
