I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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