I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
