Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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