no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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