Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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