went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
