hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
