Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
