6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
