they need to just BURY HIM!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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