I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
