Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
