I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
