is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
