he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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