you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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