She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
