guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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