he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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