You made me cry and you don't even care
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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