bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
