My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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