my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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