i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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