I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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