To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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