Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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