addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
