Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
