It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
