your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
