Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And then my night got REAL pukey
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
