I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
