I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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