Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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